She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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