This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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