I murdered the dance floor call the cops
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
