so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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