If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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