Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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