you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
