Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
