i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
