He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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