I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
