sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
