Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
