Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain