i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous