Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.