just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?