Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was confusing and full of hummus
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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