Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (628) Bad night (1586)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body. http://tfl.nu/21yt
  Replies (21) Good night (4341) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me. (1-301): I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom. http://tfl.nu/1oh9
  Replies (39) Good night (3312) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down http://tfl.nu/m1he
  Replies (31) Good night (922) Bad night (6429)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  More like "Chia Pet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just named my vagina "The Boneyard" (1-972): More like "Chia Pet" http://tfl.nu/ds7x
  Replies (19) Good night (981) Bad night (5225)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh fat girl friday strikes again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): oh fat girl friday strikes again... http://tfl.nu/rgt0
  Replies (60) Good night (844) Bad night (4380)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly. http://tfl.nu/9x6b
  Replies (12) Good night (4752) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized' http://tfl.nu/3ov3
  Replies (14) Good night (4452) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious http://tfl.nu/rvtf
  Replies (35) Good night (4838) Bad night (2591)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care http://tfl.nu/hm11
  Replies (13) Good night (2975) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms http://tfl.nu/d1qk
  Replies (5) Good night (1987) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p
  Replies (11) Good night (743) Bad night (1905)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for. http://tfl.nu/z644
  Replies (4) Good night (1361) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation. http://tfl.nu/ssju
  Replies (5) Good night (1058) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/3w59
  Replies (3) Good night (529) Bad night (261)

Randomize