i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
