that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
