So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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