My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
