Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
