Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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