i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
