I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
