:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
