I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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