wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
