My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
