he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize