Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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