"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
