I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
