i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I fill condoms, not promises.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
