So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
