She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
