i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
