Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize