i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
