What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
