I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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