evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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