So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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