I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
