Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
