Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
