I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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