It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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