Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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