I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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