He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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