i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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