North Korea, Best Korea!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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