Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
