peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
