there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
