Sry I called you an 8
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
