you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
