Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
