Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
