Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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