i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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