My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
