I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pants are for mortals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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