all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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