So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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