Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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