I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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