I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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