i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
